Bye bye Clomid ... Hello needles!

Well, the meeting w/ Dr. McBaby was quick today because he was about to catch a flight for vacation, and we were 10 minutes late because I wrote the time down wrong!!

Either way ~ he gave us the option of trying a couple IUI's with FSH - because DH's numbers look good and it's just my lining that isn't fantastic right now - or doing another laproscopy. We just had a lap last January, but that was before I stopped BC pills (was on them for 10 years) - so things may have changed. But I'm opting to go for a couple more cycles w/ the injections before going through that pain again!

We're also both getting sperm anitbodies tests done - just to rule that potential problem out.

So - overall I'm feeling positive, I love having a new plan to look forward to - but still not out of the depression phase yet ... that will probably last the weekend.

IUI #3 = Nope

Beta is negative ... again!

We have a consult appt tomorrow afternoon to see what Dr. McBaby thinks we should do next ... *sighs*.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord will all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.



I'm having a hard time not being obsessive. I keep trying to surrender this anxiety, but end up pulling it back unto my own shoulders. I pray for peace, hope, and direction in this journey.

9dpiui ~ and a cold

Well ... 9dpiui, one week until testing ... and I have a really bad cold. The obsessive side of me says I got "resick" with this because I'm pregnant and my immune system is low ... the smarter side of me says everyone is sick, so it's no surprise you got it again within a week.

Took the day off of work b/c I can't breathe, my nose is clogged and that makes it equally as hard to sleep...

So here's to another day sitting around wondering what may be ...

Ahhh ... the 2ww sucks...

When God designed the 2ww, he decided it was his own form of torture. It goes right along with the curse of painful childbirth because Eve sinned in the garden ... it should say right next to that in Genesis "and also .... you must wait two weeks to find out if you're pregnant, and you will feel imaginary symptoms that convince yourself that you are when you're probably not"

Soo ... I'm praying and surrendering the best I know how ... It just keeps trying to creep up on me and my mind wanders and hopes and I don't know if hoping and dreaming is really surrendering or not. Turns out, while I needed this Midwinter break, it doesn't help my mind to sit around and have nothing to do all day but think!!!

The waiting game begins...

Well, IUI #3 is done! Now the big two week wait comes ... this is the worst time because I go from being hopeful, to sad, convinced that I'm pregnant, to convinced that I'm not ... ahhhh!
My goal this time is to really just let it go, and everytime I think about it to say, " I Surrender" because I know there's nothing I can do from here on out ... it's all up to Him.

Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction ... Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way;walk in it." Isaiah 30:20-21

We did set up a consult appointment w/ McBaby, incase this cycle doesn't work, so we can decide where to go from here. I may have to move on to injectable meds instead... yipes!!

Tomorrow it's back to work!! Gonna love the short week this week, followed by a short one next week with Monday off!!

Oh good ... a plan!

So my mommy dearest was nice enough to come with me to my follicle check up today :) It's always just nice to have someone else there with you, even if it's looking at follicles that really just look like empty holes. Very weird.

Anyways, I had yet another new nurse this morning, but she was super nice, I loved her. Apparently she does more of the IVF stuff, so hopefully I won't have to see her again, but you never know. Everything looks good, lining was only 7.6, but that's much better than the 6.1 so I feel good about it. I was also happy to actually see Dr. McBaby there, and he stopped in and chatted with us for a few seconds. I like him best, and it's nice to see that he actually is in the office and involved, even though we usually don't get to see him that much.

We'll do the trigger shot tonight and then IUI #3 on Monday morning. I'm kind of happy the timing is working out like this, because it really will be closer to the 36 hours inbetween trigger and IUI than the 24 hrs we've been doing. Someone also told me this week that washed sperm only live 6-12 hours, so 24 hours inbetween seems way too early!

I was talking with my bestie Erin this morning about how amazing it is that there's so much that goes into conception, and even the amount of things that can go wrong once a fertilized egg actually implants, and it's just such proof to me that God's hand is in every single pregnancy and child's birth. There's more to science than just science. However, that also means God's hand is also there when things do go wrong ... and I'll never understand why it has to be that way, or why it hurts so much when it goes that way, but I do have faith that there's a bigger reason for it all that I can't see!!

Lame midcycle u/s ...

Sooo my follies were only 13, 13.5, and 10 today, so we've gotta wait until Saturday to check them again, and maybe IUI will be on Monday. Which isn't a big deal, I'm fine with the wait, I'm just concerned I'm going to ovulate on Sunday (which will be CD 14 for me, I ususally ovulate CD 13 off of meds) ... but maybe I got my cycle start day wrong and that's why they're so small today.

Also worried because even with the Estridol, my lining today was only 6.1 .... so I'm praying it beefs up to atleast an 8 by Saturday!!!

Guess I'll cancel my personal day for tomorrow and go into work ... no point in wasting it!!

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10